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The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
Your eyes are so beautiful. If you look deep enough i can see my own reflection...
Be thankful for stupid people, they make it easier for the rest of us to get ahead in life.
We have those sticky traps all around the house and I just found one moved clear across the room with all sorts of hair on it....so if anyone see`s a BALD mouse running around, it belongs to me
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Not to brag, but I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I haven`t seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he`s OK.
I may not be the only egomaniac around here, but I’m the only one that matters.