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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
See, this is why I never like too wake up, it means doing things.
Have some fun: goto the local bar. Play every Justin Beaber song and leave.
I used to like my neighbours, until they put a password on their Wi-Fi
I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.
There are four main food groups: 1. Canned 2. Frozen 3. Fried 4. Drive-thru
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
That annoying moment when a package says "easy open" and you need scissors, a knife, a gun, and a lightsaber just to open it.
Someone invited me to their dog`s birthday party on Saturday. What a freak! I am NOT coming to your dog`s birthday party! Besides, my cat is getting married that weekend!
Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger ... at least one of them anyway.
A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
You can`t always decide who walks into your life, but you can decide which window to throw them out of.
Don`t worry about walking a mile in my shows. Try a day thinking in head.
Iām having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!