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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
Do I have to wake up? I just woke up yesterday.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Never cry over spilt milk. It could`ve been whiskey.
Bad things happen to good people, so I`m pretty sure we`re all safe
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
I laugh in the face of normal.
When someone says "everything happens for a reason" I`d like to smack them and say "yeah, I guess you`re right"
I really wish Wal-Mart had a 10 teeth or more line...
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k … I don’t think I can run that far!
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
Just called the fire department to tell them that dogs pee on fire hydrants so they should probably all wash their hands.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.