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Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
Dear Noah, we could have sworn you said the arc wasn`t leaving until 5. Sincerely, unicorns.
In today`s world, the key to success is to delete your Whatsapp account!
9 out of 10 husbands agree that their wives are always right. The 10th one hasn`t been seen since the study was conducted.
If you workout and don`t post a status about it on Facebook, do you still lose weight?
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
This haunted house sucks. It`s just people sitting in cubicles under fluorescent lights looking sad. Wait, I`m at work, sorry.
If I could get a firm grip on reality...I`d probably choke it.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
I sent off for some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested it would be in my best interest that I just start over.
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?