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I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
If by "help you cook" you mean drink wine in the kitchen while you do the work, then yes, I`d love to help you cook.
people say i talk in my sleeep , but no one at work seems to notice
I just walked by an old man who kept saying, “One, three, five, seven, nine… one, three, five, seven, nine…” I thought, “How odd.”
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any d!ck pics
Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it`s important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair
I’m jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.