Daily Silly Status

I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty

I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.

Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.

that akward moment when you finish doing your thing in the toilet and you realise there is no tissue

I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy but sometimes I let her sleep instead..

Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married

Two drunk guys driving down the road, One says to the other "We must be getting closer to town!" The other guys says, "How can you tell?" He says "Were hitting more frickin people."

For the love of God, single people, stop looking for love or you`ll end up married.

Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.

I super glue one jar of pickles shut and leave it out at the barbecue then watch the humiliation unfold.

Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.

A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.

I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.

The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.