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Money may not buy you happiness, but it does buy you all the sh1t you want!
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
Don`t ask me how my night was coz I don`t know. I was asleep.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
You know you`re old when all of the bands you listened to growing up have several greatest hits albums.
Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
Sometimes you just have to logout...
Alcohol doesn`t get people drunk, people get people drunk. Drunk people get other drunk people extra drunk.
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again. ;)
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!