Daily Silly Status

I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long

I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.

I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.

I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.

Sometimes to much to drink is never enough

I just want one spam email that`s like, "Congratulations! You have a perfect-sized p*nis."

The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.

I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.

Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me

Some people just need to be clothes lined

How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?

I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!

Me, on phone to credit card company: What if you just break my kneecaps and we call it even?

By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.

I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.