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I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
Why do people who insult themselves get mad when you agree with them?
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
The only difference between a weekday and a weekend is which boss is telling me to do things.
I love everybody. Some I love to be around. Some I love to avoid. And some I’d love to punch them in the face.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
My career plans were much more exciting when I was 5
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
I got kicked out of a fancy dress party on the weekend, because I was wearing nothing but a red shirt. Not my fault nobody has heard of Winnie the Pooh!!