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Smooth move.........ExLax
Dang girl,, Are you a Snickers bar? Because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly long lasting,, hold up,,,, are those nuts?
I saw that! - Karma
My mind says diet, but my stomach is all SHUT UP BITCH.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
I like my relationships like I like my eggs: over easy.
Dear life, I`ve had enough bullsh!t to last a while. Can we take a little break please.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
My wife just bought a $50 bottle of shampoo. So guys, party at my house this weekend because apparently we won the Lottery!!!
I wouldn`t mind all the penis enlargement emails if they weren`t coming from my wife.
My exercise routine needs to include a little more than opening difficult pistachios.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…