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"we can still be friend" .. is like saying "The dog died, but we can still keep him"
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
I`m on a pepperoni pizza cleanse.
How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?
Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Today is opposite day. Wait...if today is opposite day and I say that it is opposite day that means today isn`t opposite day. If it isn`t opposite day then how cAn I say today is opposite dAy? I`m so confused -.-
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
The ultimate home security system is just having crappy stuff.
When parents on Facebook post about how they can`t believe their kid is going into whatever grade, write "No way! I thought for sure he`d be held back!"
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.