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My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
Can I have a free unlimited day trial of being attractive?
The Zoo is a safe place to fart.
I sure did waste a lot of time as a kid practicing my autograph.
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Whoever said "What goes around, comes around", never passed around a bag of Doritos......................
Just scraped 3 inches of "Mostly Cloudy" off my car.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.
I always look out for #1 ... unless I`m walking thru my yard, then I look out for #2