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Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
The closest I got to a 4.0 at university… was my blood alcohol level!
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
The best thing about online classes is the beer.
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
Apparently, I just ate 39 servings of Tic - Tacs.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
It`s amazing how different the phrases "alcohol free" and "free alcohol" are.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
My wife looks super hot without glasses. That’s why I stopped wearing them.
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....