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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I wish my ex wife would die ... That`s as far as I got.
If my "friends" post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
All I`m saying is, China could have a much better relationship with the West if they shared their dragons with us. But, whatever, be that way.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
I just saw a woman at Walmart with March Madness teeth ... She was down to the final four.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
Give a man a beer and he wastes an hour, teach him how to brew, and he wastes a lifetime.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.