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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
I was gonna take over the world this morning but I overslept. Postponed ... Again.
30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
I hate it when I`m in a crowded elevator and yell out "GROUP HUG!" and people look at me all weird and stuff.. Making friends is hard.
If you can`t fix it with duct tape or beer ... it ain`t worth fixin`
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Don`t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex`s name tattooed.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
I get very annoyed when people mix up there, they`re and their. From now on I`m going to point it out, weather they like it or not.
I`d care more about your feelings if they came with a toy and chicken nuggets.
mermaids swim by twerking do you ever just think about that
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
I have no idea why they say that counting sheep helps you fall asleep. This farm is freezing and these cows are noisy as hell.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."