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Whenever I hear the phrase `anything is possible`, I giggle and think about someone trying to slam a revolving door :)
Never make an arm wrestle bet with a guy who has been single for longer than 6 months.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them.
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
I believe that every person has a story to tell...which is why I stay at home.
Reaching under the couch for something is the closest I’ll ever get to yoga.
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..
I used to be so broke when homeless people saw me coming by they would hide their change cups.
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.