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Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
I have a fold up treadmill under my fold up bed, so by the time I get the treadmill set up, I`m like "That`s enough exercise for today"
Don`t talk to me until I`ve had my coffee, my breakfast, lunch, juice, dinner, and at least two glasses of wine.
When are we gonna admit that those tools we keep by the fireplace are just for killing people?
I dreamed about you last night, and so you know; Shame on you!!
That awkward moment when you realise you have way more internet friends than real friends.
Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
I do this thing called "Whatever The F*ck I Want".
Losing weight is not working for me, so I`m concentrating on getting taller.