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Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight. - The Swiss Army
If you have attention deficit disorder, throwing boomerangs isn`t for you.
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
U still drunk from last night or did u get a new buzz going this morning.
Health insurance is rare for exotic dancers. Most strippers have little or no coverage.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
I have never met a woman without wondering what her box of cookie recipes looks like.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
I have read so much about the dangers of drinking and smoking, that i have decided to quit reading
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
Anyone else pretend to work all day while thinking about big boobs instead?