Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
I do not have commitment issues... I`ve been buying the same brand of vodka for 8 years!
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
"I don`t know why people dislike jury duty. I think being able to play god with others` lives sounds fun!" - How I got out of jury duty
I don’t trust joggers, it’s a little too convenient that they are always the ones to discover dead bodies.
People assume I’m smart when they see my glasses case. Then they see that I use it to store a Snickers bar and they recognize my true genius.
What do you get when you inject human DNA into a goat? Apparently banned from the petting zoo...
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can`t do is pick up it`s own poop. You`re just a poop collector.
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.
Growing up teachers always told me there was no such thing as a stupid question. Eight years in retail has determined that was a lie.
Once again its friday I know its only been 7 days since the last one but feels like its been a week....