Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I may have just inadvertently accomplished something.
DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you`re too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they`ve probably had diarrhea at some point
My husband is not allowed to help with math anymore. Apperently 4 = 6.5 in his reality.
I like to walk through the mall and hand out bags of Cheetos to all the kids I see wearing white clothes
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Does this 50 pound bag of cat food make me look single?
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
Like many people, I used to want to be famous, but after this year, I`m quite happy to be have been such a failure.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!