Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
If anyone every texts me “who is this” I always respond “Jake from state farm”
I ran into my ex the other day. I could have sworn the light was green.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
A lot of guys get married just because they`re hungry.
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
"American Pie" ruined it for any kid that actually does have an amazing story from band camp.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
I hate when I`m about to hug someone really sexy, and my face hits the mirror.