Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Workout Journal Day #5: Jogging with a stroller is great exercise! And hard work for whoever is pushing me.
I`ve done a lot of things over the years ... But acting normal has never been one of them.
When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
My house has really let itself go.
Just made eye contact with a guy while licking my lips ... I think I need to kill him now.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
"Ah, OK. Yes. Now I see it." -Me lying to someone who`s pointing out a constellation
If Iām ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
Did you know that if we laid all the facebook account owners end to end around the world. Three quarters of them would Drown? Hmm ....