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FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
Where do I see myself in 5 years? May 2019. Next question.
I’m great at remembering names. I just don’t remember which one’s yours.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
Don`t worry about the grass on the other side. It`s not your grass.
My secret fantasy is to have two women at the same time, one cooking and one cleaning.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
Take me seriously at your own risk.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I’m home alone. Time to start my concert.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?
No one should be surprised that so many statuses are about unhappiness and failure. You don’t end up on Facebook by making good life decisions.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...