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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
It may look like Iām having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time Iām just thinking about what food Iām going to eat later.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
This Coffee has given me unrealistic expectations of productivity.
If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
Next time you fill out a job application and it asks about military service, it is best not to mention that you`ve gone Commando a few times in your life.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you... the more you have the longer you live.
Since 4th of July falls on a Wednesday do we drink the weekend before? the weekend after? That Wednesday? The entire week? The entire month? The entire year?
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
A cross-eyed teacher has no control over her pupils
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.