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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
My 83 year old neighbor got pulled over for speeding. She told the cop she had to hurry before she forgot where she was going.
We all have that funny voice we use when talking to dogs, babies... and idiots!
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
I AM doing something with my life. It’s called screwing around.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
Stealing other people`s statuses on Facebook is called a Facelift.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...