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Watching a funny movie after watching a scary one too try to reduce the risk of nightmares.
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
does anyone know if smurfs are gluten free
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Gotta thin the herd. – me eating animal crackers
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
There would be a lot less people willing to run for public office if the losers were required to pick up all the lawn signs afterwards.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets??