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I just burnt my tongue on my food. It made me realise that it’s the ones we love that hurt us the most.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Timeouts just give children a quiet place to plot your murder.
I`m a bad multitasker and even a questionable monotasker
I went to open a can of Whoop-Ass but it had a child-proof lid.
I`ll just admire you from afar.. Or 500ft. That`s what this paper says.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
It takes patience to listen. It takes skill to pretend you’re listening.