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Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Babysitters are just teenagers who behave like adults so that adults can go out and behave like teenagers.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
likes beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate major events such as the my birthday or the fact that that it`s Monday.
Smile. Your enemies hate it.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
The term "chubby chasers" is so inaccurate and misleading. Cause we don`t run.
If you like to spoon, you`ll love to spatula. That`s where I flip you over to make certain you`re done properly on both sides.