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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Apparently, “I had an interview with a better company” is not an acceptable reason for being late for work.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don’t want her to meet her competition right away.
Is professional lollygagger an actual job yet?
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
Young enough to know I can. Old enough to know I shouldn`t. Stupid enough to do it anyway.
Just gave the Earth a one-star rating and a bad review on TripAdvisor to discourage any aliens that were planning an invasion.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...