Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
Lets not get carried away it`s not like McDonalds shutdown
Sometimes what sounds like opportunity knocking is actually disappointment leaving a flaming bag of poop on your doorstep.
I like to go to the bar and flip peoples license plates upside down, then go home and listen to my scanner.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
I`m not lazy, I just rest before I get tired
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
I just got an email telling me how I can have fuller, firmer breasts. I can`t wait to show them to my wife!!
I can`t go to sleep if any of my apps need to be updated, but will drive my car with the check engine light until it explodes.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.