Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Shout out to metaphors. Without you there would only be like four songs.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
We get it people on Facebook. You`re married, you have kids, you`re happy. Calm down.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
I really want to take photos of my friends with their face smushed against glass.. Then make that pic my phone contact for them.. Then when they call, it will look like they`re trapped inside my phone! Oh god my life is pitiful, kill me..
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
Iām planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
Do you like the strong, silent type? Then you`ll love my farts.