Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Sometimes I stand in front of the mirror naked just to remind myself what nobody`s getting.
Sure you can try and tell me what to do. Or you can keep your teeth.
I would eat a lot more salads if they were made out of pizza.
Life`s too short for Salad..............
boss- "You cant drink while your at work!" .. me- "Oh dont worry im not working!!"
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
"If Donald Duck doesn`t have to wear pants than neither do I!"- Me getting drunk at Disney World.
Tonight I`m playing hard to get off the sofa.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
There is nothing like sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheetos. I hope they let me back in Walmart.