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I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
Is it just me, or does this gravy I made taste like scotch? Anyway, best Thanksgiving EVER!
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
There`s this cool trick I do where I post whatever the f*ck I want becasue this is my account, not yours.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
Do me a favor if someone tells you they don`t like me , tell them I don`t like them either.
My coworkers are looking at me like they`ve never seen anyone tailgate before work.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Someone once told me, “GO FOR BROKE” !! I’m happy to report that I succeeded…
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a girl who`s free for the weekend.