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It`s nice to know I`m wanted....even if it`s only by the Police!
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
I`ve considered changing career paths and becoming a demolitions expert, but then I hear the education may cost me an arm and a leg.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Just googled "who gives a sh!t?" My name wasn`t in the search results.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I hate it when I put a status and you don`t like it,example this one.
My parents told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!” so I turned on the subtitles.
Why is it when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a deserted island?" , no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Nothing ruins a perfectly good mood like reality.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
I`m getting sick of these porn sites listing my videos as "amateur".
The first guy who persuaded a blind guy to wear sunglasses, must have been a hell of a salesman.
I can’t tell if I’m hungry, but better eat just in case.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.