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Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
I don`t plan anything as well as I plan which alcoholic beverage I`m going to consume once I leave work.
Anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
4 out of 5 voices in my head think the other voice is a douche.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
A colon is used to indicate a list of elements to the sentence preceding it. A semicolon is for making winky faces.
It`s so expensive being a woman. I know because I have financed a few.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
why were you in my dreams again? i`m starting to think you`re stalking me.
You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.
Let’s just call a vacation what it is: the opportunity to live like an alcoholic for a little while.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face