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Couldn`t stop thinking about that drought on the west coast while I was watering my driveway today.
Step 1 - Change your Wi-Fi password to "blowmefirst." Step 2 - Wait for someone to ask you for it.
If men could have multiple orgasms, lotions would cost more than an iPhone.
Iβm always frank with my sexual partners. Donβt want them knowing my real name.
At least thirty percent of my workout is spent picking a different song.
To those of you who received a book from me as a Christmas present: just to let you know that they are due back at the library tomorrow.
If your phone doesnΒ΄t ring itΒ΄s me.
I made a New Years Resolution to gain 20 lbs, so I can relish in the sense of accomplishment and success!
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched....well, at least that`s what the restraining order says.
Now that I think about it... Facebook became popular ever since I made an account.
βYesβ is a perfectly legitimate response when asked how many drinks youβve consumed.
If you see a porcupine in your yard, that`s my cat and we`re not done with our accupuncture session.
Unless your name is βGoogleβ, stop acting as if you know everything!
My son wants to be a shrink when he grows up... Clearly I`ve failed to teach him our family`s place in the psychiatric process...