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Is the CEO of Kraft also known as The Big Cheese?
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
If you’re having second thoughts, you’re two ahead of most people.
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
The number one reason why trick or treating is better than sex is, you can do the whole neighborhood.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
Some of my best memories are naps.
ME- I love it when you lay me down like that, the way you touch my belly and put cold things on me baby DOCTOR- Miss this is a medical examination and you are making me extremely uncomfortable
When I`m all out of alcohol...haha! Just kidding! I`d never let that scenario become a reality.
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..