Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
it`s not that I`m bad at remembering names, I`m just awesome at forgetting them.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
My wife and I use the pull-out method of birth control where we pull out our phones and ignore each other every night.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
If someone asks for advice, just tell em to follow their heart. No idea what that sh!t means but at least they`re not talking to you anymore.
Do you realize that a woman`s "I`ll be ready in five minutes." and a guy`s " I`ll be home in five minutes." are exactly the same?
This cashier looked at my 12 bottles of weed spray so weirdly, I suspect she`s never broken a lawnmower before.
Is it annoying when people answer their own questions? Yes it is. Do I wish they would stop? Absolutely.
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
"It`s not you, it`s me." -Twins looking at some family photos.
Technically, every picture is a before picture.