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It just dawned on me why Mayberry was so peaceful and quit, cause nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Ernest T Bass, The Darlins, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara. The only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk!
You poor thing. You don`t even realize you`re batsh!t crazy, do you?
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
You drink too much, swear too much and your morals are questionable. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
Come on. Let`s all go and be happy in front of some miserable people
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
I live for those really small but special moments in life, like when I see the waiter bringing my food to the table.
If you`re feeling powerless just remember a single one of your turds can shut down an entire water park.
Does running out of money count as exercise?
i havnt seen any status`s about ninjas lately.... well played ninjas