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Saw a guy with flames tattooed all over his face. I hope someday he finds a girl who has marshmallows tattooed all over hers.
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
I may love you...but everyone else thinks you suck! I was kidding... I think you suck too.
I removed my windshield wipers and now I don`t get parking tickets. Suck it meter maids!
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 23 old ladies.
On Mondays I like to reply to all my bosses emails with `unsubscribe`
The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!