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I wear a cape when I`m driving so if I get pulled over the cop will think I`m going somewhere to fight crime.
Behind every man there is a woman wondering if going to jail for murder is as bad as it sounds.
A Lion would never cheat on his wife.. but a Tiger wood.
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
I`ve always wondered how the job application process at Hooters works. Do they give you a bra and orange shorts and say, "Here, can you fill these both out"?
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I think you and I both know that you`re not facebook friends with me for the funny statuses.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.
Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?