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If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
’Friday’ is my second favourite word starting from the letter `F`. :)
That must have been a heck of a party judging by the police reports.
Mo’ money, mo’ problems. This explains why I don’t have problems.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be “Beaten to death with a selfie stick”
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?