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Salad tastes pretty good once you add some pizza and get rid of the salad.
Hi, it’s me. I can’t get to the phone right now, even though it’s right here in my hand.
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
Laughter is the best medicine but if you are laughing without any reason, I think you need medicine
How come know-it-alls don`t know how annoying they are?
Alcohol and calculus don’t mix… Don’t drink and derive!
When I`m in a bathroom stall, please don`t yell "Oh my God oh my God there`s a guy in here!" Respect my privacy.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Happy Monday!! I`m gonna sit this one out.
Sweat pants & Uggs in public says "and I didn`t brush my teeth, either."
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
I have finally conquered my annoying habit of repeatedly pressing the snooze button every morning by programming my alarm clock to play lullabies!
Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.
Sometimes, half your sh!t is worth it.