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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
Optimism? Sure, it`s worth a try. I don`t see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
If your ever wondering who your real friends are all you have to do is delete your facebook account for about week without saying anything and see who calls
I told the monster in my closet that coming out of there would make him gay. Ha!!,,That solves that problem.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can`t figure out how to escape with all the windows down.
My only trick for looking younger, is when an 80`s song comes on I try to look completely confused and slightly disgusted.
There`s no room in my life for B.S. ... Unless it`s burritos oand salsa
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Sometimes I wish there was a `Build-a-Girlfriend`.
To all the girls who think all guys are the same: Who told you to try them all? Whore.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.