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Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Highway to Hell is a great song because you can play it at both your wedding and your funeral.
The best occupation to work from home as: Bartender.
Sometimes people try to expose what`s wrong with you, because they can`t handle what`s right about you.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
I have a friend with one eye, he`s pretty cool about it, instead of :D he sends .D
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
"Goodbye, everyone. I`ll remember you all in therapy." -Me, leaving a family reunion.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can`t use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Good For OJ, he gets to take another stab at life..
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.