Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
The Swiss must`ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
I ran into a dwarfs car this morning and he come up to me and said "I`m not happy!" And I said we`ll which one are you then
If practice makes perfect, one day I will make the perfect mistake.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
I`d take Cap`n Crunch more seriously if his eyebrows weren`t on his hat.
If you get angry, just relax, take a deep breath and count to ten, unless you`re angry about oxygen and numbers.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
I try not to limit my madness to March.
You should never answer your phone during sex, particularly if it`s your wife calling.