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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
The sun shouldn`t be allowed to come out until after your hangover.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Job interview: Please tell us why you’d love to work for us? ME: I need money :)
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
Monday comes saturday ends and somewhere in between i realized i slept the weekend away....):
Was shopping when a small child riding shotgun in a shopping cart yelling "why you ain`t got no babies?"I bet my father in law paid her
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.