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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
If it`s true that opposites attract, I should be looking for someone that gets up early and does stuff
What thinks the unthinkable? An itheberg.
Conspiracy theory for conspiracy theorists: Your conspiracy theories were planted by the government to distract you from real conspiracies.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Anything you say will be used against you, in an argument, 10 months from now, because Iām a woman. And we never forget. Anything. Ever.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
Dear Dr Phil, I was watching my next door neighbor`s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window. As I was enjoying myself I turned to notice my lady was just standing there, arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert?
Our neighbor said he wouldn`t mind me stealing their newspaper if I would at least put a robe on first.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
I like to Party! ... and by Party I mean take Naps
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.