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It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
It turns out if you cry at the DMV they`ll let you take a second photo
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`m sorry. Putting up with your sh!t isn`t on my To-Do list today.
I do everything faster when I have to pee.
It`s the weekend!!! The " Responsible Adult Button" has been switched to OFF!!
Half a dozen: because “six” is way to long.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...