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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
I`ve been holding my stomach in for 3 years now so don`t talk to me about dedication
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Hey NSA, we all know you`re there now. So click the approve on my Candy Crush ticket request.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
Cats don`t come with instructions, so how is anyone supposed to know you can`t put them in the washing machine.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
OMG!!!!! I almost went to the toilet without my phone!
When sitting directly across from someone also using a laptop, I can`t stop myself from telling them, "you sunk my battleship!"
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..