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When we are small, our mom`s would use really small forks as spoons to feed us...But what about Chinese moms? Would they use toothpicks?
I`m trying to live healthier......but I`m considering taking up cigars, since they`re still the coolest way to light dynamite fuses.
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an iPad.
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
llllllloooollllll...........................i saw a donkey on a bike
I would go for a jog today, but it looks like all of these cupcakes expire today as well.
Magic words that make my children disappear: 1) Bath time. 2) Who did this?!?! 3) When I was your age...
Does "who cares" count as advice?
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald`s Playland ball pit
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
Weird how old people suddenly stop being so deaf the second you put music they don’t like on
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.