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Love makes the world go `round, but alcohol makes it spin.
I`m horrible with women. Probably because I only know like 3 shades of gray.
My face hurts from pretending to like you.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
The word “fireplace” really reveals the creativity of our ancestors
If I don`t remember what I did, don`t ruin it for me by reminding me.
I once had the desire to do something worthwhile with my life. Then I discovered naps.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks.
I’ve yet to be intimidated by a fancy wine list thanks to my vast knowledge of fine wines and my eeny, meeny, miny, moe system.