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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
I usually don`t argue with the doctor but I don`t think "Batshit Crazy" is a legitimate medical term.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
My neighbors don`t appreciate it when I skip along the property line, singing "This Land is My Land."
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
Wife says to her husband, "You wanna change positions tonight?" He says, "Yeah!" she says, "OK, you do the dishes and I will sit on the couch and fart."
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
My browser asks "are you sure?" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you