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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
Fun things to do in Walmart: Take the ``try me`` stickers off of the toys & place them on condom boxes.
My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy...so I came back drunk.
Nobody knows how much work I put into looking only this fat.
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
I often worry that mankind is going to start World War III soley because we enjoy trilogies.
I hate girls who insert the phrase "my boyfriend" into every conversation. So does my boyfriend.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I was only 6 numbers away from winning the powerball.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Garage sales are the gateway drug to Walmart.
roses are red,violets are blue,god made me beautiful, what happen to you..
Another year has passed. I`ve just about given up on the Mayans.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)