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Running away does not help you with your problems, unless you are fat.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
How does one get a nice body without moving?
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
My kids are giving all the people on this airplane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
I can`t unfriend you because I really enjoy watching the disaster that is your life.
Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so f**k it!