Daily Silly Status

Which wine goes best with more wine?

I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....

Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.

Hey Gotham City criminals, why isn’t the first thing on your to-do list “Unplug the Bat Signal”?

You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol

I used to think i was good at multi-tasking. Turns out its just my multiple personalities doing one task at a time.

In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”

All I`m saying is that Schwarzenegger isn`t the only one who woke up naked next to a dumpster in 1984.

I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped and shattered my phone

Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.

Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.

I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.

On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.

Disneyland. The world’s biggest people trap, built by a mouse.

Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.