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I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house...
Hey Ladies..Prince charming is Gay and living with Mr. Right
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
So I ran into an old girlfriend who I dated who`s new boyfriend she was with looked exactly like me when I was seeing her. You know, miserable
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
Now tell me how old your baby is in hours.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.