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Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Why does this membership application to the YMCA not have "The Village People" as an option for "How did you hear about us?"
Scientists uncovered the part of the male brain responsible for pissing off women. It’s next to the part that knows how much roses cost.
I`m not saying you`re a slut but you`re dirtier than my browser history.
Tomorrow is Valentines day, a holiday that comes along once a year to remind you that if you don`t have a special someone...I guess your alone.
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
WTF, I feel like I pay these bills every month.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
Don`t get into a relationship with someone unless they love you as much as Kim Kardashian loves Kim Kardashian.
Trying to be a responsible adult is messing up my social life.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.