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Edward Cullen is extremely pale due to the lack of light in the closet.
I still miss my ex. But my aim is gettin` better.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
You know you watch too much porn when you go to a hospital expecting a threesome.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
If you don’t feel just a little bit of shame after the weekend… you’re not doing it right.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
All shoes are technically buy one get one free...
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
I`m gonna name my son Wussell so people think he has a speech impediment.
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
Anyone know how to get a red wine stain off a baby? asking for a friend